I believe that most people who decide to move and take up residence abroad and this includes myself,go through what can only be described as a cultural shock.Some people feel that they can adjust quickly,others may take some more time.
With regards to my own personal experiences,I found looking back on the early years,that there were definite stages of change with in myself and coming to terms with living abroad and a new country,culture,customs and language.
- Tuorist or Honeymoon period
- Cultural,customs,language shock
- Settling down and adjusting to a new lifestyle
- Anger at being isolated
- Finally coming to accept and begin integrating in to the new society
Tourist or Honeymoon Period
When I first arrived in my destined for country,Finland.Everything was taken as though I was only on a holiday.Everything was extremely exciting and at times I would feel, much as Peter pan felt in those classic childhood books.There just was not enough time in the day to explore,everything I wished to explore
The excitement of trying new foods,discovering a new city and being amongst a language that I had absolutely no knowledge of,was adrenelin pumping and very addictive.But unlike a tourist you are not returning home.I had the constant feeling that a dream had come to fruition.It really resembles getting married for the very first time,the excitement of getting there and the adventure lying ahead of you can be over powering in it self
The culture,customs,language shock period
I found, that after the initial euphoric almost, state of my thinking,which lasted for some 3 months,I became aware of the very different culture surrounding me.I constantly had the feeling of not being able to be totally independent.I could not simply phone to the authorities/doctors and generally getting about without having to rely on my wife or if not around,asking strangers if they spoke any English,was to become a reguler habit
I felt very much as a child at times and I did not like it, one bit.I felt at times that my freedom had been taken away from me.I had no work for the first 3 months,so any savings I had were being eaten away at an alarming rate.I believe that was the only time when I thought,things are not good.
I was fortunate to get work in a really nice but noisy night bar as a waiter,situated iin the center of Helsinki.It was to change the way I felt drastically.I not only was earning an income,but more importantly,I was getting to know some local Finnish people.I have friendships with those very same people today,21 years later.They taught me enough Finnish language to perform my job and showed me a little bit more of the Finnish Lifestyle.
For the first 8 months,I was working in downtown Helsinki.After work,0200,we would all go for a drink at a late bar and return to one of my co-workers home to bathe in a Finnish Sauna and continue partying.I was rarely to get home before 0600.It has been many years now,but I owe my Finnish friends a big debt of gratitude
Settling down and adjusting to a new lifestyle
After the initial shock,I began to find my own way.I was more confident moving around the city.I spoke a smattering of the pigeon Finnish Language.Well,I could ask for simple things in Finnish.My job was both invigorating and allowed me to get to know more Finnish People.I used to frequent a local bar with my wife,Pub Angleterre.It was and still is a local hang out for British Expatriates living in Finland.However after 2 years,I just got fed up listening to some constantly blaming Finland for thier problems and woes.At one point I just said”If it is so F`ìn bad here,go back home”I do not know if they took the advice,as I now prefer to mix with the Finns.
The lifestyle in Helsinki/Finland is a lot slower than in London.It took me some years to slow down and to come to terms with the fact that I was the one who had to change,not the country and it`s people.London is a go,go.go. society,Finland as a whole and the people of Finland tend to have a more,We can wait attitude.Manjana is the closest I can define it.I have met friends and spent several hours going to the shop for bread!
Anger at being isolated
After adjusting to a new lifestyle in a new country,all I can say is that I began having dough-ts.I became very angry at myself and others.Questions in my mind included,”Am I really in the right country”,”Why cant I get the authorities to understand my English”.”Where can I get decent British food”.
I became obsessed with keeping something British around me.Everything and everyone else was to become the focal point of my intense dislikes-The libaries didn`t have good English books,the weather was cold and the food rubbish.How my wife put up with my constant complaining is still to this day a wonder.I became angry because I could not learn the Finnish Language,while at the same time my wife who speaks 8 languages ,was saying that it is easy to learn.
This time had to be my darkest period.The more I tried to get out from the chains,the tighter they would become.Alcohol began to play a larger part in my life.It was to drown out feelings that I should have just gone through and experienced.I would have come to a period of acceptance much more quickly.One day I was going home,the next I was staying.This put an immense strain on my new Finnish Wife and myself.The bright eye`s I once had became dull and the sparkle had disappeared fro them.I felt very isolated at times,even when my wife was present
Out of the blue and final acceptance
In it`s easiest way,I stopped making comparisons between the two countries and sunk myself into the Finnish Society.I gave up trying to change the host country and people.I learnt to stop looking at the facade of the local people and rather began to see and understand them as people with emotions and feelings like myself.
You can only see what you know and people from different cultural backgrounds may perceive the same event in differing way`s
I ave now been living in Finland for 21 years.My stay here has had many up`s and down`s,trials and tribulations.Through it all,I know that this is my home and life as Expatriate could be worse. I would not give it up lightly.
Hyvää Suomi
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Your advice for getting along with local people should be heard by everyone.
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I could not agree more.I think that applies equally well to your nieghbours in the street and to any one you would frequent anywhere in the world.I was given a book to read by my Finnish wife,20 years ago.”The Prophet”by Khalil Gibran.It consists of short prose and in a very few words,Mr Gibran gets the message over,that one needs to love,forgive,and care about oneself before one can love,forgive,care for others.
Suffice to say,the book literally turned my way of percieving myself and as a result others, around.Try reading some Khalil Gibran
Gregory,
This is a very perceptive post, and speaks to your long experience. What you have to say would apply equally to all those experiencing culture shock. I think of someone moving from the conservative Deep South USA to San Francisco.
I would say dont look for the differences,in people.It does not really matter what your colour,religion,or race is,underneath I try to remember that we are all humans with our own personal feelings and emotions.What one person see`s,the other`s may percieve in a totally differebnt way.Humility goes along way and being able to forgive ones self.Only then is a person able to forgive others,and then it really doesn`t matter where you are in the world,
Regards
Greg